OK, so it's been a while. It's taken me a while to be able to process the things in my life and the great ways in which God has worked in my life, the lives of my new family at Oak Ranch as well as the things He is continuing to teach me. The need was great, the impact was enormous and being enthralled in God's love and who He has made you to be is amazing! I've said it before and will say it again, I've never been more challenged and never had more of a feeling of fulfillment. While all of this sounds grand, my big ol' heart has been hurting. Hurting for the things that I could have done differently, done more of and for the simple desire to be back, hurting because of the changes and desire to be who God is calling me to be. When you come out of the garden into the desert it is hard to find comfort, tears are temporary relief but really it's still there.
I was recently reminded of the story of Moses and the burning bush in the book of Exodus by a great friend and encourager; and while I did not verbalize what I was going through it made sense, it was exactly what I needed. You see Moses was in the middle of a desert, a place filled with impending death and emptiness, while there God appeared to him in an awesome way! A burning bush, you see Moses' curiosity as to why the bush was not consumed led him to the Lord. God called Moses to be a representative and speak to the pharaoh but like so many of us didn't feel worthy. Moses said, "Who am I that I should go..." and the Lord replied "I will be with you." The story continues with Moses doubting his abilities and God finally saying, "I am who I am, this is what you are to say..." You see in this I saw myself, I saw myself alone minding my own business doing my job and then being called to something more. Something that I doubted my own abilities in and doubted the person that God was speaking to.
God calls each and everyone of us to be firstly like Him and secondly to be someone who serves the kingdom. I have struggled with who God has called me to be but in the past few weeks and days it is becoming more apparent. I have been the mediator, shepherd and listener for many but with this gift comes the burden of carrying the troubles of your own life as well as those that confide in you. Just like this summer though there is nothing I would rather be doing, in that moment that's all that matters. I continue to pray for God to give me the words and allow me to be the vessel and I know that in that I'm not bearing it all...He is! Without question and without failure, He loves me and it's in His hands. Who knows, maybe you or I need to be a burning bush of Christ's love in the middle of someone else's desert. Wouldn't that be an awesome moment?
