Set A Fire

OK, so it's been a while.  It's taken me a while to be able to process the things in my life and the great ways in which God has worked in my life, the lives of my new family at Oak Ranch as well as the things He is continuing to teach me.  The need was great, the impact was enormous and being enthralled in God's love and who He has made you to be is amazing!  I've said it before and will say it again, I've never been more challenged and never had more of a feeling of fulfillment.  While all of this sounds grand, my big ol' heart has been hurting.  Hurting for the things that I could have done differently, done more of and for the simple desire to be back, hurting because of the changes and desire to be who God is calling me to be.  When you come out of the garden into the desert it is hard to find comfort, tears are temporary relief but really it's still there.

I was recently reminded of the story of Moses and the burning bush in the book of Exodus by a great friend and encourager; and while I did not verbalize what I was going through it made sense, it was exactly what I needed.  You see Moses was in the middle of a desert, a place filled with impending death and emptiness, while there God appeared to him in an awesome way!  A burning bush, you see Moses' curiosity as to why the bush was not consumed led him to the Lord.  God called Moses to be a representative and speak to the pharaoh but like so many of us didn't feel worthy.  Moses said, "Who am I that I should go..." and the Lord replied "I will be with you."  The story continues with Moses doubting his abilities and God finally saying, "I am who I am, this is what you are to say..."  You see in this I saw myself, I saw myself alone minding my own business doing my job and then being called to something more.  Something that I doubted my own abilities in and doubted the person that God was speaking to.

God calls each and everyone of us to be firstly like Him and secondly to be someone who serves the kingdom.  I have struggled with who God has called me to be but in the past few weeks and days it is becoming more apparent.  I have been the mediator, shepherd and listener for many but with this gift comes the burden of carrying the troubles of your own life as well as those that confide in you.  Just like this summer though there is nothing I would rather be doing, in that moment that's all that matters.  I continue to pray for God to give me the words and allow me to be the vessel and I know that in that I'm not bearing it all...He is!  Without question and without failure, He loves me and it's in His hands.  Who knows, maybe you or I need to be a burning bush of Christ's love in the middle of someone else's desert.  Wouldn't that be an awesome moment?

Like a Rock

Let me first give you a quick update on things.  The past few weeks have been quite interesting and hectic.  But you know what, God is good and he takes care of things.  :)  This past week I have seen a young lady have some amazing God experiences, which she has recognized as God's work but still does not recognize her need for a Savior.  Oh, how frustrating this is!  She has seen her prayers being answered and yet it is still not enough.  I wish I could tell you everything so you would understand how God has been working in her life in an immense way, I just pray that her shell continues to be broken.  One day she will turn to the Lord. 

The boys have a full house right now and the newest young man whom we all had great expectations for has begun to show his true colors and not this fake facade to get his way.  It has begun to get him in trouble not only with the houseparents but also with the other boys as they have gotten frustrated with it.  Also, in the past week I have seen a very hard working man show himself with an attitude of self-control, humility and encouragement.  This is a big step for him as his biggest issue is anger management.  This week a new couple has developed and safe boundaries have been set while another young man learned his lesson about playing the ladies and losing a friend. 

In the girls house I have seen some broken hearts and frustration mostly caused by the boys from across the street.  I have also witnessed some grief relief from a young lady who lost the most important person in her life, her Grandmother and caretaker, as she celebrated her birthday by sending her a balloon and note.  I have also seen the poison that is created when the child's interest is not at hand in the decision process of parents.  In the next week the girl's house will be down to only 3 young ladies, this is disheartening when you know the circumstances to which you are losing one while at the same time you are thankful no young lady is in need.  However, the reality is that a young lady somewhere simply is not receiving the care she deserves.

This past week I also had a day of realization in that...I have to leave.  Now I knew from the start that this would be a hard thing to do, I just didn't realize how hard it would be.  It just hit me like a rock and I lost it.  I couldn't help but think about what one of my girls told me.  She said, "You can't leave me Miss Tiffany, I love you....you know what I'm going to miss the most?  You!  You are my little sister!" (although I am older and taller than she is) followed with a big hug and lots of tears.   All the other people in this young lady's life have abandoned or left her for some reason or another.  The hardest thing for me is to convey the message that I have to leave and that I am not one of those people who just leave her.  I came this summer without any kids and I'm leaving with 12.  I don't how to express to them how much I care about them other than to love them and to continue being apart of their lives. 

In the coming week I ask that you pray for all of the students, for the families who have lost loved ones and who are struggling with sickness.  Pray for the families who are in a time of transition and they hear God's will and that they continue to do what is best for their child.  Lastly, please pray for safe travels and for my departure and transition back home.

A Peaceful Reassurance?

In the past week, life in the cottages have relaxed and while things have not slowed down things are nice.  We have still been having some sweltering heat and long days but all is well here at Oak Ranch.  Our babies are getting bigger and we are all doctoring some sunburn after a day at the water park.  Every week it is amazing to see a count of how much change is going on in not only the animals but also the students, especially the boys.  While our newest is still adjusting to cottage life we are beginning to see a different side of him.  He is still looking for his spot within the cottage which has come with its own challenges but we are all trying to be as helpful as we can and as encouraging as we can.  This has been one of the most difficult things for the guys lately, that is, helping one another out and build each other up.

Last week my heart was heavy and combined with a wore out body I just felt horrible.  It seemed as though I was struggling to keep my head above water.  For the first time this summer I felt frustrated.  So before matters got worse God broke me.  I was on the phone catching up with a good friend and I lost it.  I cried for what I thought was no reason and let everything out.  In the midst of this all of my frustrations released and soon I didn't know why I was still crying as I was smiling uncontrollable at the same time.  During this moment I could hear the sounds of a pending thunderstorm as the sky rolled out its sounds and the wind picked up around me.  At first I felt like my heart was so heavy from all of the weeks events that it would fall out of my chest but afterwards it felt like it was empty and ready to be filled.  I realized that in this moment I was no longer in control.  I felt like God was reassuring me of my work here.  Although I was hurting so much inside I have never felt more fulfilled.  Like everything I was doing was for a reason and part of something greater, I was truly happy.  There was no place that I would have rather been than in the midst of all the hurt. 

Before I started this summer I intended to completely immerse myself in servitude here and not allow other distractions.  I feel like that moment was God telling me that it's alright and He was just reminding me of His presence and his plan for me.  While being a child care worker like this may not be exactly what God has for my life (or could be) I can't imagine Him having me in a situation where I couldn't use what He has taught me this summer and the relationships that I have made.  Who knows...could this have been my 'official' calling to ministry?  Or was this just a peaceful reassurance?  Either way I'm excited and can't wait for the next part of this journey that God and I have ahead of us. 

Please pray for the 3 empty slots in the girl cottage and please continue to pray for the rest of our students.  Pray for the friendships that they are building and the lessons they are learning.  Pray for the health of several of our student's families and pray for the needs that each one has. 

"Evangelism occurs from the overflow of your own relationship with Christ." 

So I pray that your cups overflow!

The Poison of Unforgiveness

Well my friends, it has been a busy week!  In the past week Oak Ranch has seen quite a bit of change both at the barn and in the cottages.  We have one new young man who has a good head on his shoulders and knows exactly what he has to do to reach his goals of going home.  One of our girls has made it back safely and another has left us on uneasy terms with the hopes of returning.  The barn has turned into a nursery with our 10 chicks, calf and the addition of 5 kittens.  Thankfully only one of those gets a bottle and the others are maintaining themselves just fine :).

Yesterday was our new young man's first day of horseback riding.  Let me tell you that when you have motivation, positive attitude and a willing heart these will take you far.  Not only was he a quick learner but well mannered and encouraging.  On his first day he was able to take our stubborn beginner horse over obstacles and keep up with the pace of the group.  I cannot wait to see what he will be able to do in the coming weeks!

One of the things that I have been trying to get across to all of the young people around me is the peace that comes from forgiveness.  Feeling the loss of pain that I could never fully understand has left many of them broken, bitter and closed off from the world.  This all leads to frustration, anger and resentment which they apply to all parts of your life.  In one breath I want to say "I don't blame ya!" but in the other I know that in this situation God is their hope and forgiveness is key.  Unforgiveness only hurts yourself not the other person so why should they keep us from living a full life?  Afterall, unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die...it just doesn't help you any.  I think what this all boils down to is that each of them has to decide for themselves what's worth more to them...the life they could have or the life they have had. 

The Bible teaches us to first pray that His will be done in all situations, after that we are to pray for any needs we may have.  We then reach a portion of the pray that many of us seem to forget about or gloss over and move onto the protection part of our prayer.  You see, Jesus teaches us that we must pray for forgiveness but only as we have forgiven others.  It's an interesting little catch there. 

Please pray for each of the students we have and the situations they are in.  Pray for safe keeping and that their needs are met and most importantly that God's will be done.  Pray that they are able to forgive the people in their life who have done wrong and allow them to move forward and pray for the families who must also do the same. 

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.
Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom, the power and the glory are yours.
Now and for ever.

Amen.

We Have Chickens! And a Calf!

Thanks to the generous support of people in Sanford and Rutherfordton Oak Ranch is officially the owners of 10 Buff Orpington chicks and a Jersey calf.  They have already been working hard to help some of our struggling kids cope.  This past week has been quite difficult for some which has put them in some dangerous situations.  They are having a hard time finding appropriate ways to deal with their pain and express their emotions.  We have been calling it chick therapy but there just seems to be something about a cute little yellow baby chick that just peeps at you or falls asleep in your hands. :)

On Wednesday, I came back to the girl's house so I have spent the past two days adjusting to the differences.  They are both quite fun to be around but they just have completely different ways of going about things.  Last week I did a series on Samson with the boys, afterall it is quite a guy story, which they seemed to really enjoy and become interested in.  Pride and conceitfulness were some of the topics of discussion as well as the vulnerability that successes can bring but how the strength comes from God and then he receives the credit right back.  Coming up with something to do with the girls has kind of been difficult but I'm working on it.  Last night we talked about past memories and we looked to the book of Isaiah 43:18-19 for how no matter what has happened in the past we all have great potential with the Lord's help and that we can do great things. 

Please continue to pray for all of our students and especially for their safety.  These past few days have been quite taxing on everyone as we have watched someone seriously struggle.  Pray for the arrival of a new young man tomorrow and his family.  Lastly please pray for the staff that they are able to take care of themselves spiritually and emotionally while helping others.

With Love from:  Honey Mustard, BBQ, Spiderman, Nugget, Noodle, KFC, 6 piece, Teriyaki, Nub, Bojangles (the chicks) and Butternut (the calf)  :)

Living Life Intentionally

The definition of the word intention is the act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result. As the leader of various organizations we through this word around quite a bit in our planning.  What is our intentions for this event, do we intend to create this mood for worship, what does our actions say about our intentions?  Yep, I've asked them all!  However, the intentions of this summer are a bit different.  You see before I was only intentional in structured settings like a planning meeting or while with my leadership team or in public.  Here at Oak Ranch EVERYTHING that is done is done (hopefully) with the best of intentions. 

Never before have I had to think so much about the faces I make, the words I say, the things I do or don't do, or even how others might perceive me.  You see for many of these students they feed off of your energy and whether you think so or not they can read you like a book...or maybe I'm just easy to read.  For instance, just last night one of the guys told me something and while I wish it were true I knew it couldn't happen.  He said he could tell it all in my face...especially my eyes what I was thinking.  I told him he was not right but even then my face told on me.  By the way I don't blush, my rosy red cheeks are from the sun. :) 

Either way I hope that I am living my life intentionally for the Lord and by his calling.  Never before have I felt that I was living a life on purpose.  It's a good feeling! 

Prayer: We have 6 boys and 5 girls right now so that means 3 empty spots for new ones.  Each with their own troubles, obstacles and goals.  Pray that through our bible studies and devotions that I am able to share the message and help them to reach their goals.  Pray that we are all able to life a life on purpose and that we can sustain that through the years.

Let's Regroup

So if you read the post about Wake the World you will remember about the small successes I wrote about.  Since then I have seen quite a bit more of those small successes but not without taking time to regroup.  One of the things I have learned here is they can get just as frustrated as you can.  When this happens we have to stop, take a deep breath and regroup.  Last week our newest young lady had her first horse lesson.  She was super nervous and scared yet excited.  Some could say I drew the short straw and was given the task of working solely with her but in truth it was just that I had the most  patience.  However, it has been a good thing and I have loved every minute of it.  Last week we worked on her building trust and confidence in not only me but also her horse, Gee. 

Gee is a black Tennessee Walking Horse that stands about 17 hands tall and if any of you remember our horse Gomer they could be twins.  We call him our gentle giant but he is quite hardheaded which can sometimes get the best of him.  Last Thursday we worked on her learning the basics of  putting on a halter, grooming, saddling and riding.  She was able to learn how to steer her horse while also learning how to find her balance in the saddle with out grasping the saddle horn.  She also learned how to lead her horse which was the biggest challenge.  Just know where there is grass and a stubborn horse you can have a challenge pulling him away.  So for a girl who want even get 3 feet close to the head, leading a horse is quite difficult.

While these lessons frustrated her they also frustrated me as she is the one you have to tell a million times and then a million more before anything gets through.  This would be the part where patience is a virtue and regrouping is often...for all 3 of us!  By the end of the day on Thursday I felt good about the successes she had made.  We finished the day leading a different horse which was quite more cooperative.  Today we were able to continue these lessons and she was able to ride and 'steer' Gee with out him actually following me as well as go over obstacles, groom and saddle her horse and even pick his front hooves.  We are still working on her confidence with the horse and while she will get closer to the head she is still quite scared.  We will also be working on her comfort level with other horses around.  Currently she is so concerned with all the other horses being close that we just have to separate ourselves.  I look forward to the lesson that we have next week and the trust and confidence that she continues to grow in her own ability, the horses and myself. 

Everything else here has been relatively calm.  On Saturday one of our girl's competed in her first horse show where she placed 4th in her class. We also had a water war one night between the girls and boys.  Let's just say that water balloons + 4 water hoses + 14 soaking kids = good clean fun!  :)

This coming week please continue to pray for the students as one is transitioning home and we are looking for new ones to come.  Also pray for the healing of families and students.  This week pray for the change over of house parents in the girls house and pray for the relationships that are being built.   Don't forget to stop and regroup this week!

Also, I know I have heard that some of you were interested in supporting Oak Ranch so I'm working on a sort of wish/needs list but some of which include: the usual needs of food or hygiene products, Wii games ('E' or 'T'), PG 13 movies, and they are still looking for chicks and a calf, kiddie stirrups or tack (English and Western), or any monetary donations are welcome.

Wake the World

Yesterday we had the opportunity to take 9 kids out to Wake the World on Badin Lake. "Wake the World" is a group of NC Wake boarders who wanted to do something special for the kids in NC's children's homes. We began the morning in prayer and we then divided up on boats to head out on the lake.  I began the morning with our 3 middle school boys as we all tried to learn how to wake board.  Now I'm not sure how many of you have ever tried this before but it looks easier than it is.   Our first guy out on his first time was able to get himself up out of the water which I hear is a great accomplishment.  The rest of us had a bit more trouble.  What is interesting about this though is over the weekend myself and one of the house parents had worked with one of the boys at Jordan Lake teaching him how to swim.  It took quite a bit of encouragement, patience and trust to get him to swim out to the rope and back and now here he is learning how to wake board.  So cool!  While none of us were quite experts and I wasn't even able to to stay up out of the water for a few seconds I'm pretty sure they enjoyed themselves.  I think they thought swimming in the lake was much easier so of course we had to do that too.

After lunch in order to have all of the boats filled with kids they split up our 3 girls so I went with the one girl that was by herself.  This young lady happens to be our newest at Oak Ranch and the youngest at 12.  At Jordan Lake they couldn't get her to go past her waist even in a life jacket so we were all interested to see how the day would go.  In the morning she had befriended one of the volunteers on the boat who never  broke her promise to her (she wouldn't let her fall off the tube).  Once she took a ride on the tube she was awesome.  I got the chance to ride with her in the afternoon and I was told that she didn't talk all morning but when I got on the boat with her and began to laugh and joke with her she didn't stop talking.  While we were on the tube she laughed the entire time, I think I had just as much fun watching her expressions as I did actually tubing.  While she wouldn't get in the water even with a jacket on she loved to ride on the tube.  

Although we were there to have a good time out on the lake I observed some interesting things with the kids.  With the boys I say how they encouraged one another, shared tips and were able to boost their confidence.  With the girls I saw them find trust in the people around them, confidence and courage as well as new friendships.  All in all minus the sunburns I think it was quite an extraordinary day for all of us!  If you would like more info about this event go to waketheworldnc.com  you can also look for pictures of yesterday's event soon.  

While some moments can be emotionally challenging for me this past week several of the kids were able to open up to me and begin to trust me more which makes me feel quite honored.  Especially when most of them have been burned so many times before. I am loving the friends and family that I have made here at Oak Ranch and I can't wait for what the rest of the summer has in store for all of us.   We've all been quite busy at the barn, in the hayfield, the garden, breaking beans (3 bushels so far that were donated and will be saved for the winter) and well having fun of course!  

For continued prayers: There is one more new girl coming today and please be prayerful for her transition as well as the house.  Just like with the horses there has to be a pecking order in their mind so I'm sure you get the picture.  Please pray for confidence and courage for the students to face their adversity and to be able to use self control especially when innocent words hurt.  Prayer for each one's self-efficacy as they see their worth to us and in God.  Pray for the churches and volunteers around us who have supported us and the kids through donations and friendships.  

The Great Buffet

This past week was the last week of school for the kids which means it was no different than any other last days of school.  Thursday was full of excitement for the summer!  Now that they are finished with school I will be able to spend more time with them.  This past week we took advantage of the time we had to go on several trail rides in the morning while things are still cool.  I know what you are thinking though because Dad has already told me...what a great job I have.  :)  I have been using this quiet time to just sit and relax from everything else that is going on, pray and think.

While on the trail the horses think that it is just one big great buffet.  I think this is hilarious but while on the trail it can become very frustrating.  As I fought to keep my horse from eating every maple tree branch and every tall blade of grass there was I thought of my own life.  You know sometimes I feel that my life is the trail ride and my great buffet is all the opportunities that I have.  Some of which may be what God is asking of me while others are not in his plan.  Like my horse I'm ok passing up a few but sometimes I begin to wonder if I can just have a little piece here and there, even if it's not on His agenda, I'm just testing the reins. 

I know for my life it has been tough to give everything up to God.  It always seems that I'm holding something back, something that I would fight for.  I know deep down that He's a Big God and He can handle it but I guess it's either my stubbornness or independence or even shame that holds me back.  I've learned I just have to daily hand over the reins and trust in the Lord.  I know I may have to pass up some good opportunities in my eyes but in the end he will take me to an even better place...afterall we always end our ride in nice green pasture.  :)

Monday is the arrival of our first new young lady of 4 so please keep them in mind along with some of the boys who are in transition now.  One young man graduates tomorrow and while he is able to leave Oak Ranch he sure does have a lot of support here that he won't have if he leaves so please pray for his decisions.  Lastly, please pray for Oak Ranch and the other Baptist Children's Homes of NC.  They really do rely heavily on your help, support and prayers.  For the most part they take in the children that foster homes won't and the ones that the court says have to go somewhere. 

As a barn update we have new kittens at the barn as of Thursday and they are looking for a donation of chickens and a calf to add to the property.  One young man really likes his chickens so we are trying hard to get him some to take care of while another wants to learn how to raise cattle so if you know anyone that would like to help us out send them to good ol' Sanford, NC. 

A Roller Coaster of Emotions

Hello friends!  Today officially marks two weeks of my stay here at Oak Ranch.  So far I have seen great amounts of change and have seen one enormous roller coaster of emotions!  Last night we threw a party for the two ladies who are going home tomorrow, I will just say that the house was packed full of people (and it's a big house)!  Last night also happened to be the first time in which I became thoroughly frustrated, overwhelmed, burnt out, annoyed...or whatever you would like to call it. 


All I could help to hope for was that the Lord would give me patience and help me to see the whole picture.  Growing up one of the biggest lessons I probably learned, or the one that stuck was respect, it was quite evident that these kids as I will call by their actions don't even respect themselves.  It's one thing to be disrespectful to others but I think it's a whole other ballgame when it's yourself.  For example, we had all of the people go around and say something positive about the two ladies who are leaving.  For one it was immensely hard for some to say something nice and for two it was even harder for the two ladies to take what positive things were said.  I guess I just have to step back and remember that they were not given the opportunity to learn how to take a nice comment about themselves but rather they have spent their lives defending their self. 


After all of the company left I was able to join the girls for their evening devotion which was quite emotional.  Two ladies talked about getting to know the Lord and the peace that one can find.  Another thanked God for rescuing her from her gang  lifestyle and helping her to find a better path.  She recognized that had she not found God she would not be alive.  As I looked around the room at the hurt, secrets and accusations that these girls are filled with it was all I could do to keep myself together.  Can you imagine your parents blaming their pending divorce on you? Or what about having your family members let you get beat up by fellow gang members?  Even better what about having to live with one of your abusers every weekend?  The list could go on but to me this is more than anyone much less a 13 year old should ever have to handle.  This was the source of my frustration as you can imagine.


As I was reminded several times before and after last night I, we must remember that in order to minister to others we must be able to minister and take care of ourselves.  Don't be like the starving baker as I have heard before. 


Thank you for your continued prayers and thoughts and I ask that you remember the students who are leaving and coming  as well as their families as they overcome cancer, substance abuse, homelessness and much more.  I ask that you keep in mind the staff as they are able to love and support each one but also that they are able to find refuge for themselves from all of the pain. 

 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles.”   2 Chronicles 32:7-8

For The Horses

As I was thinking this week about what I could write I feel like I have left out a big part of what I have been doing and will be doing.  While some of you may think I'm simply working at a barn with horses, which is partially true, yesterday I got to see how the two really coincide.  That is, how the horses fit into the program.  Oak Ranch has 8 horses that they care for and use weekly for the purposes of counseling and as an outlet for the students. 

Yesterday was the girls riding lesson and as many of you know eastern North Carolina has been experiencing some sweltering heat and it only gets better on the back of a horse.  Several of the girls are inexperienced riders and an already frustrated young lady on a hot day does not mix well with a hot stubborn horse.  We had the girls tack up and then two at a time they had to go over a cavaletti (a raised pole) and then they had to go over a crosspiece (2 poles with one end raised so that they make an 'X' in the middle).  In order to this there has to be good communication between the horse and rider.  Some of the girls had to walk while more experienced riders had to pick up a trot to go over the obstacles. 

Working with horses there is one thing I have learned and that the girls are learning, you are not asking but telling.  So while the girls are on the horse this is one situation in their life where they can have 'the reins' and control the situation.  For some this can be fairly frustrating as both horse and rider have to be willing to put in an effort to work through the situation.  We have one young lady who has burnt so to speak on a lot of things in her life and she also told us that she didn't like horses (and of course she was on the difficult one of the day) but with a little coaching and encouragement she was able to complete the course and feel good about the ride.  One other young lady who will be going home next week wanted to have a great last ride but frustrations from school came out as she tried to handle the horse and it was not going her way.  Once again we were able to share with her how she can be in control and how sometimes just like in life you have to stop, take a breather and then regroup just as she did with her horse. 

While I cannot tell you specifics of any of the students I'm working with please know that what may seem like small lessons on a horse can really make a difference when they get back to they house or even to school.  In the short time I have been here I have seen this and much more.  I really wish that more people could see the OR program or Baptist Children's Home for that matter the way I am seeing it.  These students are offered as much support and love that one can give and for some it is something they have never seen. 

On a last note we tell everyone to make each ride end on a good note.  Please pray this week for the ladies who are getting anxious about going home and that they can make a positive transition home.  Most of them have never said goodbye on good terms so for an upcoming good goodbye they just don't know how.  Please pray for the 4 new girls that will be coming in the next couple of weeks for their transitions here and also pray for each of the students families as they are broken and healing too. 

A Tough Reality

Tomorrow will make a week of my summer here at Oak Ranch.  The time has flown by and it definitely doesn't feel like I have been here that long.  However, that doesn't mean that I have not grown attached to these girls...I know surprising right :).  Last week I really got to know the five young ladies and some of the pieces that have fallen around them.  Then on Friday we loaded them up in cars with people who had a role in pulling apart those very pieces.  We smiled and said "have a good weekend" while trying to do the right thing -- be forgiving and non-judgmental.  These past couple of days we have spent our time trying to pick them back up and boy has it been tough. 

All weekend I couldn't get this out of my head, I kept running the stories over and over in my head trying to make everything fit.  Come Monday when all of them were back, the amount of frustration and tension was simply overwhelming.  I will have to say that this has been a tough reality for me and it's something that I foresee being the biggest challenge of my summer.  I really had to give credit to the workers who are here week in and out as they hold their heads high by the Grace of God and become role models for these hurting young people and families.  The unique thing about Baptist Children's Home is that they work to heal the child as well as help the family.  Their ultimate goal for each child is to have them back with their families. This differs from most other foster care programs in that they only 'treat' the child and not the root of most of the issues, the family. 

I really am excited and glad to be working here, besides all the feed buckets and horses I have to ride, this shouldn't be too bad of a summer.  :)  While everyone is still in school I have been spending my days at the barn working horses, trail riding, feeding goats and well pretty much anything else there is to do.  Hopefully in another week I'll be working more closely with both the horses and the students as they work to overcome their issues and find God amongst the rubble. Today, I got to do my first bible study/devotion with both the girls and boys so we went through the first book of Daniel and talked about his courage and how he was able to be true to his faith in challenging situations.  I am most definitely going to get some good classroom management skills with this group and they are keeping me on my toes with each lesson I share. 

I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers so for this week I ask that you help me be able to work with the guys and learn how to connect with them more.  Please pray that I do not get overwhelmed with lack of knowledge of the situations each young man is in and that I am able to be still and allow God to speak through me in the time I am with them.  Please pray for the 7 boys that are here and the 5 girls, two of which will be leaving next week and then 4 more will be joining us shortly after.  Please pray for the families and that the girl's leaving will have a healthy transition from OR to home. Finally, please pray for the house parents and the workers here that they are encouraged and find patience in the difficult days.

Love you all, I have a 6:30 trail ride in the morning so good night!  :)

Oak Ranch Part 1: It's A Whole New World

If you haven't read the "Experience the Moment" blog first you might want to check it first so you'll be in order. 

On Wednesday afternoon I left Camp Caraway to come to Oak Ranch, I finally made it here after having to use both my ipod map map and a gps (which is a whole other story.)  So let's just say I was thankful to get here.  Upon my arrival I was greeted with big hugs and smiles all around.  This place is gorgeous and I must say the pictures online do not do it justice.  I got the grand tour and got to meet lots of new people including some of the office staff, barn manager, house parents and the kids.  They are curous and pretty honest when it comes to what they're thinking for the most part.  We then went to youth group at a local church.  Although the boys have been attending this was the girl's first time so I immediately made friends with one young lady as I urged her to sit with me in the circle.  None really wanted to go in.  We concluded the night with some American Idol and never before have I seen Scotty obsessions like some of these ladies. 

On Thursday I got to sit in on some Therapeutic Crisis Intervention Training, I never knew this type stuff existed...wow is all I have to say.   Afterwards I headed off to the barn where I got introduced to the 8 horses and went on a ride with the barn manager.  During lunch I learned more about the 5 girls and how to best work with them before driving to the bus stop.  Three of the girls are in high school and 2 are in middle school.  The girls had their riding lessons that afternoon where they worked on stretching and balance on the horse while holding good posture.  I wish I had known some of these things a long time ago!  I also got to do my first devotion with the girls.  We talked about having 'burrs' under our saddle and the things that irritate us and looked at Psalms 139:23-24 for ways to give those burrs back to God and help us to have self-control.  They said they enjoyed it so I've been working on another for when they all get back to OR.  We concluded the day with a walk down to the Cape Fear River.  It is a beautiful place and I couldn't help but think of ideas for things to do down there. 

Friday was a fairly eventful day as we started with some a visit from an older adult disabled group who came to ride horses.  They were a lot of fun to be around and they really responded to the horses.  They also got to see the 'olympic' goats nelly and cocoa as they ran, hopped and vaulted around the barn.  They also got to see a baby bird that was injured by a dog and our barn manager was rescuing.  I then became the 'rescuer' as we used the boys vermicomposting (worm compost) as a source of food.  It tried flying away yesterday afternoon so we let it go and hoped for the best.  All of the girls but one went home for the long weekend so last night we drove into Fayetteville to eat Thai and watch Rango.  Couponmom and restaurant.com is where the families can get coupons to go out to eat and it has really saved them lots of money.  When you have at least 7 girls, 2 house parents and an intern meals can be expensive. 

Today should be a pretty lazy day with the rain and only 1 guy and 1 girl here at the ranch for the weekend. Yesterday one of the horses cut himself at the barn before riding so this weekend I get to play Dr. with him.  I am unable to get on facebook or email from the OR computers so if I'm not responding that's why, but thanks for thinking of me!

This coming week please pray for the young ladies I am working with as they come from home back to OR.  That I'm able to get to know them and the guys better and that I am able to find devotions and bible studies that God is able to speak to them through.   Please also be prayerful for the houseparents who change over on Wednesday but also for their realtionships with the students and the patience they need to handle the issues that may arise.

Love you all!

Experience the Moment

This is one I wrote on Wednesday, sorry for the delay :)

This past week I have been with about 29 other college students training to be Summer Missionaries.  We have covered topics from picture 101 to conflict management.  I was able to get to know these students and see the vast array of God given gifts and talents, steadfast courage and mustard seed faith.  My new found friends and brothers and sisters will be serving along with me right here in North Carolina, across the country and across the world.  As I got to encounter this over the past few days I couldn’t help but be inspired and encouraged as I depart for my own summer experience.  I’m finding myself growing anxious but excited.  I feel like God is like the amusement park attendee telling me to “Pull the waist belt tight across your lap, keep all hands, feet and other objects within the car at all times, sit back . . .and enjoy the ride.”

I was reminded of a time today when I told my Campus Minister to just take a moment from all the craziness of her to do list and stop and just experience the moment.  If I recall the situation correctly it was the first night of the new semester and we were having a family dinner.  As we rushed to get everything prepared I realized that our room was filling up, people were having a good time and I saw a sea of new faces.  For our small group we had planned and worked diligently for days to see this happen.  While I too  was trying to make sure everything went off without a bump God told me to simply stop and take in what was going on. 

Too often in my hectic schedule I lose sight of the results of my work.  I work and plan and work and plan all of these things that I feel are important but I find that I don’t take the time to actually see the results of it.  You can plan for everything in life. . . except for the results.  So, as I prepare myself for my next ‘moment’ my hope is that I’m able to not be overwhelmed with my task that I forget to experience  the moment and see the results. 

Please pray for my friends and I as we step into new identities, new positions and new places.  Pray that we have courage and boldness to be firm in our faith and that we are confident in the abilities God has given us.  We need to be reminded that the many forms of evangelism occur through the overflow of our personal relationships with Christ and that we simply need to look for the needs where we are.  Help us to see that our service is about meeting needs (ministering) and it is about the process not about the numbers.  Finally, pray that we are able to experience each and every moment we have with others, for each one is precious.

A Case of the Barn Sour's

Over Easter Break I had the opportunity to go horseback riding.  Something that has become few and far between since I have been a student at State.  This is very evident when my efforts in training prior to State are not evident now.  My horse, affectionately named Dixie, always seems to find ways to try my patience and challenge my will to ride.  For instance, over Easter break I saddled up to go for a ride.  Well as I was in mid air saddling up with a leg in the stirrup and swinging my leg over, Dixie decided she wasn't ready.  I immediately got grounded...or so you could say.  After a few crow hops and a brief walk to work out the kinks in my back I gave it another go.  If there's one thing I learned growing up around horse's it's that no matter how hard it hurts you've got to get back on.  Otherwise the horse has figured out how to handle you.  

After a bumpy start I had a lovely ride.  However, it has become evident that my horse is suffering from a major case of the barn sours.  The barn sours is when a horse becomes accustomed to the same trail as they ride their focus is getting back to the barn and not on where they are going. The first part of the ride is spent trying to get them to leave the barn. Then you will spend the next part of the ride fighting them as they wish to go back to the barn, where they know they are safe and can go untethered.   On the course back they often will get in a hurry and in the case of Dixie gallop their way back...she especially likes to do this on her own...aka without me on the back.  See my frustration.  

Tonight I was sitting here thinking about this and I realized that I'm guilty of the very same thing.  I know God has places for me to go and things for me to do but at times I feel too safe right here at the 'barn' that I don't want to go anywhere else.  As I prepare for my summer adventures (which will be very close to plenty of horses and barns) I am feeling excited and nervous all at the same time.  I'm excited for the new things I'll see on the 'trail' but nervous about how the 'ride' will actually be.  I hope that I don't let a case of the barn sours keep me from experiencing all that is in store.  

So as I continue to prepare myself for not only this new adventure but everything else in my life I am reminded of The Great Commission.  For how can we go if we won't even leave the barn.

"Go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.  Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you." ~ Matthew 28:19-20

The Farm: A place for Growth, Healing and Empowerment

Here lately farming has really been on my mind...well I guess I can't help it, I mean it's all around me.  I see the results of it at every meal, I here of its prices on the news, I learn its ways in class and I practice it in my dreams.  There is an inner part of me that loves being able to see something grow, its something I find peace in.  Recently in class and my observations I have seen the potential of farming to be a place for renewal and healing.  This is something that I have never connected to agriculture before but the more I think about it I just can't get it out of my head (hence why I'm starting this at 1 in the morning).  


The idea is to go beyond the goal of profit and business for farming and use it as a vehicle to teach, inspire, heal and empower.  (Now don't get me wrong here there is still a great need for production farming)  Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit a place that practiced in a matter of speaking just that.  In the middle of Durham, NC there is a small 2 acre plot of converted land from a car garage/funeral parlor that reaches out to the community and makes a difference in the lives of its youth.  It is known as the SEEDS garden: "SEEDS educates youth and adults through gardening, growing food and cultivating respect for life, for earth and for each other". 


It was truly an inspirational place that provided a safe place for youth to come and learn in a earth based classroom if you will.  The program recognizes that each child responds in their own way and for this reason they provide a variety of opportunities for each of them to express themselves. 


As you enter the garden you are welcomed by a low maintenance butterfly garden that has been set up as an example to the community.  Followed by 2 large iron garden inspired gates.  To one side you see Yurtle the Turtle (a water cistern) where students learn of the recycling and use of water, compost bins are a place to learn of the recycling of nutrients and waste and respect for the ones who do it...worms.  Continuing in the garden you see a large perennial garden very conducive to quiet reflection with a grape covered arbor and children's artwork throughout.  Continuing on you will see the Seedlings garden for the elementary kids which allow each one their on 3' by 2' space to plant anything they want and care for, a teepee made of beans that they can sit under, a wall of student artwork and beautiful tulips.  


The tour then continues into a herb garden where the senses of smell and touch are heightened with each plant.   Students are encouraged to touch and feel the plants while also getting to learn about its uses in cooking classes.  Fig trees provide a healthy snack when in full bloom as well as a fun place to climb and hang out in it's mangled branches.  More compost bins read "feed me," "I'm full" and "burp" as ways to describe their stage in the compost cycle  and are followed by nearly 20 raised beds framed by rough cut cedar planks.  Here is where community members may have their own plot for their own devices and the experimentation of their own practices.  At the end of the plots are a small pond and an outdoor classroom.  The pond serves as a source of entertainment from wildlife where the children love to play with frogs and catch insects which they are then taught Karate moves such as the praying mantis in the outdoor classroom.  The children are able to let their energy escape in the forms of each movement while learning the traditions and art forms within the moves.  


A fire pit is a place where students must go through a rite of passage so to speak in order to participate and learn the art of being a fire keeper.  Here students are given the freedom and open space to express themselves, problems they're having and symbolically overcome them with the burning of the fire.  The transparency of the workers and volunteers provide a role model when for some there is none.  These relationships foster deeper connections in each life where they can be healed, inspired and liberated from their troubles to be empowered to find themselves in the world and do great things.  I listened to the representation and the use of the fire as a classroom and coaching tool I couldn't help but think back to my days in Girl Scouts where I found similar comforts while sitting around a campfire.  Here all guards were down and the flicker of the fire showed me how life really worked.

The tour ended with their cut flower garden, greenhouse, and market gardens.  High school students have the opportunity to receive pay for their work in the garden and they are responsible for seeing through the entire process...from seed to market.  


At the end of the tour I couldn't help but smile.  For many years I have tried to think of ways to use the garden as an outdoor classroom but this was something more than I ever imagined.  It was a place for holistic thinking and nourishment: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I hope that one day I'm able to be a part of something that makes such an impact in the way that this program is doing.  It encourages me to continue working with youth but makes me question the way in which I do it!  


For more info about SEEDS visit seedsnc.org :) 

Saddle Up Anyway!

Today has been a marvelous day!  I had the opportunity to go to my home church for youth Sunday where I was given the honor to speak or as some said "preach the message and step on toes."  Now I don't feel I really stepped on toes but by the end of the service we could've watered quite a few plants.  I'm not sure what was so different about today but for some reason I felt part of something bigger...something that I was once a part of but no longer was.  I guess in my absence due to college I have grown distant from my home church...or so it feels.  I guess that's why things seemed so personal today.  

I chose to use Daniel as my subject this morning as he is one of my favorite examples of courage in the life of a young person.  When I look at Daniel and his stories I couldn't help but help to find myself wondering what he would be like if I were to meet him today.  You know I think he would probably be a great catch!  But who knows :)  There were things that I pointed that I admired about Daniel:
1) He had the courage to stand up for his beliefs even in uncertain times or places
2) He showed respect...chivalry is not dead my friends!
3) He was well revered and a great leader
4) He was a great man of God!

I couldn't help but think that I would only be so lucky for God to choose a man for me that had very similar qualities.  I don't say this to look like I'm desperate or looking for a relationship, I'm happy with where I am in my life and know that at this moment a significant other is not the plan.  I do say this though to take note that if it is in the greater plan...I don't think these stood out to me for no reason.

Daniel's life of courage inspires me to live a life of courage as well.  Being a Christian in today's world almost requires a daily dose of courage.  So often I find myself knowing that while I'm standing in the dark if I just take one simple step toward the Lord he would turn on the light and take care of me.  However, that is easier said than done!  After that step is taken the next hardest thing is to ensure that all of me went with that step and that I have given all over to Him.   Most recently this has been a big struggle as I have listened, awaited and followed God's call.  I know that God will take care of me in this matter but that does not make me any less scared to death.  Don't get me wrong though I'm very excited about what's in store but I do believe it's only healthy for that excitement to be accompanied by fear.

As I touched upon some of this today I looked out across the audience and saw tears...I wondered if they were tears of pride, sorrow, a sign of God's presence or something else?  I do not think that in my life I have ever felt so affirmed or supported in the things I said or the life I live.  I saw my Grandpa show emotions I never knew he was capable of, I saw some of the biggest influencer's of my life tell stories to one another about how I was as a child and I definitely do not remember a time when I received so many tearful hugs in only a 10 minute time period.  I did not think that what I said was such a 'moving' combination of words I believe there was more going on this church.  I believe that just as I had hoped God was able to speak through me and I feel thankful and honored to have been the vessel.

As I continue my journey and you yours just remember..."Courage is being scared to death...and saddling up anyway!" ~ John Wayne

When you have a free moment I encourage you to listen or watch this video of the poem "The Dash" by Linda Ellis, I shared it today as it's one of my favorites :)

The Willy Wonka of Biofuels

As a child one of my favorite authors was Roald Dahl, you know the author of James and the Giant Peach, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and my favorite The BFG.  Anyways WW and the Chocolate Factory also happens to be in the top ten of my movie list next to Gone in 60 Seconds and Coal Miner's Daughter.  Anyways,  today in my Agroecology class I had the opportunity to take a little trip out to Pittsboro, NC to the Piedmont Biofuels plant.  There are lots of cool and innovative things going on at this site that made me super excited about -- reminding me of Willy Wonka's factory!

Now I must preface this with saying NO I am not one of those  "hippie vegetarian eat only organic persons," not there is anything wrong with those people...it's just not me.

Having been in multiple agriculture courses in various disciplines I have been able to see a variety of perspectives.  For instance, in Intro to Animal Science we discussed how the byproducts of many crops used by humans are an excellent source for our livestock such as using soybean meal in the beef and swine industry after the oil is extracted.  In Natural Resource Economics we discussed how policy effects a variety of our natural resources such as policies focused on 'fixing' global climate change and carbon footprints while also meeting the needs and demands of the world food supply.  In Wildlife Management we talk about the effects traditional agriculture methods have on wildlife populations and then in Agroecology we discuss the sustainability of food systems and incorporating the assets of the natural environment into agricultural systems.  We talk about closing the nutrient cycle, making use of the whole plant.  We also discuss in this class alternatives methods to the conventional such as biofuels.  But then in Livestock Evaluation we talk about the rise in cattle prices due to a rise in corn prices due to the subsidizing of bioethanol as an alternative fuel source.

Are you starting to see the connections here? Many times these topics overlap and in many cases they conflict.  It's quite interesting to put all of this together.

Back to my story...today when we went on our trip to Piedmont Biofuels we were able to see how they are transforming the 'scraps' of the food industry into a clean burning biodiesel.  Now I must note here that Biofuel is the broad term for fuels made using renewable biomass products.  Bioethanol is a fuel made from the fermentation of starch, sugars and cellulose.  Biodiesel is made from oil crops or animal fats and is the equivalent to petroleum based diesel.
At PB's they are currently used used cooking grease in order to make biodiesel.  At the facility they have also incorporated many other sustainable aspects to their facilities.   Such as a solar double cropping system, vermicomposting (think of 100 bins of worms each with 2 lbs of worms eating half their weight in Whole Foods food scraps a day), aquaponics lettuce (sequesters CO2 from propane heaters speeding up growth), a fuel from the scraps of the world and even making herbicides/insecticides and bug spray from the byproducts of biofuels.  All of this is the equivalent to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory in the sustainability world.

I'll leave you with one last classic that I think is appropriate.

How awesome is all of this, this is why i'm interested in what I'm doing!   If you have questions about any of this I could probably go on but I'll stop for now :) so send me a message!  For more info on Piedmont Biofuels go to http://www.biofuels.coop/

"He Leadeth Me" from a child's eyes

As a young child I probably learned to read from a hymn book.  My Grandmother loved to sing hymns and I vividly remember her comforting songs.  Today in church we were singing the hymn "He Leadeth Me; O blessed thought!"  As we were singing, in the row across from me sat a young man about the age of 6.  The first verse of the hymn goes as follows:

"He leadeth me; O blessed thought! O words with heavenly comfort fraught! Whate'er I do, where'er I be, Still 'tis God's hand that leadeth me."

As I was singing I kept hearing something that just didn't sound right.  So I paused for a few words until I figured it out.  As I looked over at the boy he was laid back in the church pew, with his leg across his knee and the hymnal in his lap.  The odd sound I was hearing was coming from him.  He was singing very loudly, off key, the wrong words but very proudly.  At first I wondered why no one said anything to him, but then I listened carefully to what he was singing.  He probably couldn't have read the tough words of the traditional hymn so instead he proceeded to sing his own song with his own tune.  His song went something to the effect of:

"Jesus loves me, and I love him. He loves my Mom and Daddy too. YESSSSSSS, He loves meeeee."

Once I was able to understand what he was singing I couldn't help but be tickled.  My smile was un-containable, so much so that it caught the attention of my Father who gave me that "You better behave" look that I remember from so many years ago.  

At the time I didn't think anything of the boys singing other than its humor.  However, as I sat through the rest of the service I couldn't help but think of how the boy translated the hymn the way he did.  As "older, educated people"  too many times I think we forget the simplicity and meaning behind the things we do or even sing.  I was encouraged by the boy as he was able to reassure him of the simple message that Jesus loves him and that He loves Jesus.  So many times it would be nice if someone could just whisper in my ear or rather loudly proclaim as he did that simple reassurance.  

Whenever I am on the mountaintops it is easy for me to see and hear that reassurance.  It is when I am down in the valley that the troubles are deafening and it becomes harder to hear that simple message.  I wish that I was able to hold on to that child like wonder as he showed me today.  To be able to sing loudly (even if it's not what everyone else is singing or off key) and proudly the tune of our own lives... 

I'm enjoying my tune today, how about you?  

If you want the rainbow...

The title of this blog comes from one of my favorite quotes from Dolly Parton.  I chose this quote to serve as the title for my blog as it is something that I have chosen to live my life by.  It serves as an encourager and reminder of the goals that I have for my life.  As a future educator I am reaching a point in my life where the life that I once knew is coming to an end and I'm on the edge of beginning a new journey.  The more time I spend interacting with people in the education field or with students the more excited I get about getting into my own classroom.  However, as with any situation the rains are here and it seems that many people are set on reminding me of those rains while others keep pointing out the rainbow at the end.



Some people are hesitant about my aspirations of becoming an educator in these uncertain economic times...thank you for reminding me.  I have found myself letting these reminders make me smile...a smile of knowing that this is a calling I have not taken lightly...a smile in knowing that I have the opportunity to have an impact on the lives of young people...a smile in knowing that I will be entering an honorable profession...a smile in knowing that I will hold a great responsibility...and a smile in knowing that I am scared to death of this great profession.


I would say it is safe to say that with each reminder I am just as much excited as scared.  After all, nothing can prepare me to actually know what to expect in my classroom or how to make the most of each class.  I will hold a great responsibility to make a positive impact on my students.  You never know what each student is coming in with, what things they have to go through at home, on the way to school or what their life is like when you're not around.  I hope that I am a person who not only teaches their students the content deemed necessary to pass a course but also to teach students how to make the most of their lives.  What an immense task ahead of me!

Oh well, got my rain boots on and I'm walking forward until I see that rainbow!  :)