This past week was the last week of school for the kids which means it was no different than any other last days of school. Thursday was full of excitement for the summer! Now that they are finished with school I will be able to spend more time with them. This past week we took advantage of the time we had to go on several trail rides in the morning while things are still cool. I know what you are thinking though because Dad has already told me...what a great job I have. :) I have been using this quiet time to just sit and relax from everything else that is going on, pray and think.
While on the trail the horses think that it is just one big great buffet. I think this is hilarious but while on the trail it can become very frustrating. As I fought to keep my horse from eating every maple tree branch and every tall blade of grass there was I thought of my own life. You know sometimes I feel that my life is the trail ride and my great buffet is all the opportunities that I have. Some of which may be what God is asking of me while others are not in his plan. Like my horse I'm ok passing up a few but sometimes I begin to wonder if I can just have a little piece here and there, even if it's not on His agenda, I'm just testing the reins.
I know for my life it has been tough to give everything up to God. It always seems that I'm holding something back, something that I would fight for. I know deep down that He's a Big God and He can handle it but I guess it's either my stubbornness or independence or even shame that holds me back. I've learned I just have to daily hand over the reins and trust in the Lord. I know I may have to pass up some good opportunities in my eyes but in the end he will take me to an even better place...afterall we always end our ride in nice green pasture. :)
Monday is the arrival of our first new young lady of 4 so please keep them in mind along with some of the boys who are in transition now. One young man graduates tomorrow and while he is able to leave Oak Ranch he sure does have a lot of support here that he won't have if he leaves so please pray for his decisions. Lastly, please pray for Oak Ranch and the other Baptist Children's Homes of NC. They really do rely heavily on your help, support and prayers. For the most part they take in the children that foster homes won't and the ones that the court says have to go somewhere.
As a barn update we have new kittens at the barn as of Thursday and they are looking for a donation of chickens and a calf to add to the property. One young man really likes his chickens so we are trying hard to get him some to take care of while another wants to learn how to raise cattle so if you know anyone that would like to help us out send them to good ol' Sanford, NC.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
A Roller Coaster of Emotions
Hello friends! Today officially marks two weeks of my stay here at Oak Ranch. So far I have seen great amounts of change and have seen one enormous roller coaster of emotions! Last night we threw a party for the two ladies who are going home tomorrow, I will just say that the house was packed full of people (and it's a big house)! Last night also happened to be the first time in which I became thoroughly frustrated, overwhelmed, burnt out, annoyed...or whatever you would like to call it.
All I could help to hope for was that the Lord would give me patience and help me to see the whole picture. Growing up one of the biggest lessons I probably learned, or the one that stuck was respect, it was quite evident that these kids as I will call by their actions don't even respect themselves. It's one thing to be disrespectful to others but I think it's a whole other ballgame when it's yourself. For example, we had all of the people go around and say something positive about the two ladies who are leaving. For one it was immensely hard for some to say something nice and for two it was even harder for the two ladies to take what positive things were said. I guess I just have to step back and remember that they were not given the opportunity to learn how to take a nice comment about themselves but rather they have spent their lives defending their self.
After all of the company left I was able to join the girls for their evening devotion which was quite emotional. Two ladies talked about getting to know the Lord and the peace that one can find. Another thanked God for rescuing her from her gang lifestyle and helping her to find a better path. She recognized that had she not found God she would not be alive. As I looked around the room at the hurt, secrets and accusations that these girls are filled with it was all I could do to keep myself together. Can you imagine your parents blaming their pending divorce on you? Or what about having your family members let you get beat up by fellow gang members? Even better what about having to live with one of your abusers every weekend? The list could go on but to me this is more than anyone much less a 13 year old should ever have to handle. This was the source of my frustration as you can imagine.
As I was reminded several times before and after last night I, we must remember that in order to minister to others we must be able to minister and take care of ourselves. Don't be like the starving baker as I have heard before.
Thank you for your continued prayers and thoughts and I ask that you remember the students who are leaving and coming as well as their families as they overcome cancer, substance abuse, homelessness and much more. I ask that you keep in mind the staff as they are able to love and support each one but also that they are able to find refuge for themselves from all of the pain.
All I could help to hope for was that the Lord would give me patience and help me to see the whole picture. Growing up one of the biggest lessons I probably learned, or the one that stuck was respect, it was quite evident that these kids as I will call by their actions don't even respect themselves. It's one thing to be disrespectful to others but I think it's a whole other ballgame when it's yourself. For example, we had all of the people go around and say something positive about the two ladies who are leaving. For one it was immensely hard for some to say something nice and for two it was even harder for the two ladies to take what positive things were said. I guess I just have to step back and remember that they were not given the opportunity to learn how to take a nice comment about themselves but rather they have spent their lives defending their self.
After all of the company left I was able to join the girls for their evening devotion which was quite emotional. Two ladies talked about getting to know the Lord and the peace that one can find. Another thanked God for rescuing her from her gang lifestyle and helping her to find a better path. She recognized that had she not found God she would not be alive. As I looked around the room at the hurt, secrets and accusations that these girls are filled with it was all I could do to keep myself together. Can you imagine your parents blaming their pending divorce on you? Or what about having your family members let you get beat up by fellow gang members? Even better what about having to live with one of your abusers every weekend? The list could go on but to me this is more than anyone much less a 13 year old should ever have to handle. This was the source of my frustration as you can imagine.
As I was reminded several times before and after last night I, we must remember that in order to minister to others we must be able to minister and take care of ourselves. Don't be like the starving baker as I have heard before.
Thank you for your continued prayers and thoughts and I ask that you remember the students who are leaving and coming as well as their families as they overcome cancer, substance abuse, homelessness and much more. I ask that you keep in mind the staff as they are able to love and support each one but also that they are able to find refuge for themselves from all of the pain.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles.” 2 Chronicles 32:7-8
Saturday, June 4, 2011
For The Horses
As I was thinking this week about what I could write I feel like I have left out a big part of what I have been doing and will be doing. While some of you may think I'm simply working at a barn with horses, which is partially true, yesterday I got to see how the two really coincide. That is, how the horses fit into the program. Oak Ranch has 8 horses that they care for and use weekly for the purposes of counseling and as an outlet for the students.
Yesterday was the girls riding lesson and as many of you know eastern North Carolina has been experiencing some sweltering heat and it only gets better on the back of a horse. Several of the girls are inexperienced riders and an already frustrated young lady on a hot day does not mix well with a hot stubborn horse. We had the girls tack up and then two at a time they had to go over a cavaletti (a raised pole) and then they had to go over a crosspiece (2 poles with one end raised so that they make an 'X' in the middle). In order to this there has to be good communication between the horse and rider. Some of the girls had to walk while more experienced riders had to pick up a trot to go over the obstacles.
Working with horses there is one thing I have learned and that the girls are learning, you are not asking but telling. So while the girls are on the horse this is one situation in their life where they can have 'the reins' and control the situation. For some this can be fairly frustrating as both horse and rider have to be willing to put in an effort to work through the situation. We have one young lady who has burnt so to speak on a lot of things in her life and she also told us that she didn't like horses (and of course she was on the difficult one of the day) but with a little coaching and encouragement she was able to complete the course and feel good about the ride. One other young lady who will be going home next week wanted to have a great last ride but frustrations from school came out as she tried to handle the horse and it was not going her way. Once again we were able to share with her how she can be in control and how sometimes just like in life you have to stop, take a breather and then regroup just as she did with her horse.
While I cannot tell you specifics of any of the students I'm working with please know that what may seem like small lessons on a horse can really make a difference when they get back to they house or even to school. In the short time I have been here I have seen this and much more. I really wish that more people could see the OR program or Baptist Children's Home for that matter the way I am seeing it. These students are offered as much support and love that one can give and for some it is something they have never seen.
On a last note we tell everyone to make each ride end on a good note. Please pray this week for the ladies who are getting anxious about going home and that they can make a positive transition home. Most of them have never said goodbye on good terms so for an upcoming good goodbye they just don't know how. Please pray for the 4 new girls that will be coming in the next couple of weeks for their transitions here and also pray for each of the students families as they are broken and healing too.
Yesterday was the girls riding lesson and as many of you know eastern North Carolina has been experiencing some sweltering heat and it only gets better on the back of a horse. Several of the girls are inexperienced riders and an already frustrated young lady on a hot day does not mix well with a hot stubborn horse. We had the girls tack up and then two at a time they had to go over a cavaletti (a raised pole) and then they had to go over a crosspiece (2 poles with one end raised so that they make an 'X' in the middle). In order to this there has to be good communication between the horse and rider. Some of the girls had to walk while more experienced riders had to pick up a trot to go over the obstacles.
Working with horses there is one thing I have learned and that the girls are learning, you are not asking but telling. So while the girls are on the horse this is one situation in their life where they can have 'the reins' and control the situation. For some this can be fairly frustrating as both horse and rider have to be willing to put in an effort to work through the situation. We have one young lady who has burnt so to speak on a lot of things in her life and she also told us that she didn't like horses (and of course she was on the difficult one of the day) but with a little coaching and encouragement she was able to complete the course and feel good about the ride. One other young lady who will be going home next week wanted to have a great last ride but frustrations from school came out as she tried to handle the horse and it was not going her way. Once again we were able to share with her how she can be in control and how sometimes just like in life you have to stop, take a breather and then regroup just as she did with her horse.
While I cannot tell you specifics of any of the students I'm working with please know that what may seem like small lessons on a horse can really make a difference when they get back to they house or even to school. In the short time I have been here I have seen this and much more. I really wish that more people could see the OR program or Baptist Children's Home for that matter the way I am seeing it. These students are offered as much support and love that one can give and for some it is something they have never seen.
On a last note we tell everyone to make each ride end on a good note. Please pray this week for the ladies who are getting anxious about going home and that they can make a positive transition home. Most of them have never said goodbye on good terms so for an upcoming good goodbye they just don't know how. Please pray for the 4 new girls that will be coming in the next couple of weeks for their transitions here and also pray for each of the students families as they are broken and healing too.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A Tough Reality
Tomorrow will make a week of my summer here at Oak Ranch. The time has flown by and it definitely doesn't feel like I have been here that long. However, that doesn't mean that I have not grown attached to these girls...I know surprising right :). Last week I really got to know the five young ladies and some of the pieces that have fallen around them. Then on Friday we loaded them up in cars with people who had a role in pulling apart those very pieces. We smiled and said "have a good weekend" while trying to do the right thing -- be forgiving and non-judgmental. These past couple of days we have spent our time trying to pick them back up and boy has it been tough.
All weekend I couldn't get this out of my head, I kept running the stories over and over in my head trying to make everything fit. Come Monday when all of them were back, the amount of frustration and tension was simply overwhelming. I will have to say that this has been a tough reality for me and it's something that I foresee being the biggest challenge of my summer. I really had to give credit to the workers who are here week in and out as they hold their heads high by the Grace of God and become role models for these hurting young people and families. The unique thing about Baptist Children's Home is that they work to heal the child as well as help the family. Their ultimate goal for each child is to have them back with their families. This differs from most other foster care programs in that they only 'treat' the child and not the root of most of the issues, the family.
I really am excited and glad to be working here, besides all the feed buckets and horses I have to ride, this shouldn't be too bad of a summer. :) While everyone is still in school I have been spending my days at the barn working horses, trail riding, feeding goats and well pretty much anything else there is to do. Hopefully in another week I'll be working more closely with both the horses and the students as they work to overcome their issues and find God amongst the rubble. Today, I got to do my first bible study/devotion with both the girls and boys so we went through the first book of Daniel and talked about his courage and how he was able to be true to his faith in challenging situations. I am most definitely going to get some good classroom management skills with this group and they are keeping me on my toes with each lesson I share.
I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers so for this week I ask that you help me be able to work with the guys and learn how to connect with them more. Please pray that I do not get overwhelmed with lack of knowledge of the situations each young man is in and that I am able to be still and allow God to speak through me in the time I am with them. Please pray for the 7 boys that are here and the 5 girls, two of which will be leaving next week and then 4 more will be joining us shortly after. Please pray for the families and that the girl's leaving will have a healthy transition from OR to home. Finally, please pray for the house parents and the workers here that they are encouraged and find patience in the difficult days.
Love you all, I have a 6:30 trail ride in the morning so good night! :)
All weekend I couldn't get this out of my head, I kept running the stories over and over in my head trying to make everything fit. Come Monday when all of them were back, the amount of frustration and tension was simply overwhelming. I will have to say that this has been a tough reality for me and it's something that I foresee being the biggest challenge of my summer. I really had to give credit to the workers who are here week in and out as they hold their heads high by the Grace of God and become role models for these hurting young people and families. The unique thing about Baptist Children's Home is that they work to heal the child as well as help the family. Their ultimate goal for each child is to have them back with their families. This differs from most other foster care programs in that they only 'treat' the child and not the root of most of the issues, the family.
I really am excited and glad to be working here, besides all the feed buckets and horses I have to ride, this shouldn't be too bad of a summer. :) While everyone is still in school I have been spending my days at the barn working horses, trail riding, feeding goats and well pretty much anything else there is to do. Hopefully in another week I'll be working more closely with both the horses and the students as they work to overcome their issues and find God amongst the rubble. Today, I got to do my first bible study/devotion with both the girls and boys so we went through the first book of Daniel and talked about his courage and how he was able to be true to his faith in challenging situations. I am most definitely going to get some good classroom management skills with this group and they are keeping me on my toes with each lesson I share.
I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers so for this week I ask that you help me be able to work with the guys and learn how to connect with them more. Please pray that I do not get overwhelmed with lack of knowledge of the situations each young man is in and that I am able to be still and allow God to speak through me in the time I am with them. Please pray for the 7 boys that are here and the 5 girls, two of which will be leaving next week and then 4 more will be joining us shortly after. Please pray for the families and that the girl's leaving will have a healthy transition from OR to home. Finally, please pray for the house parents and the workers here that they are encouraged and find patience in the difficult days.
Love you all, I have a 6:30 trail ride in the morning so good night! :)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Oak Ranch Part 1: It's A Whole New World
If you haven't read the "Experience the Moment" blog first you might want to check it first so you'll be in order.
On Wednesday afternoon I left Camp Caraway to come to Oak Ranch, I finally made it here after having to use both my ipod map map and a gps (which is a whole other story.) So let's just say I was thankful to get here. Upon my arrival I was greeted with big hugs and smiles all around. This place is gorgeous and I must say the pictures online do not do it justice. I got the grand tour and got to meet lots of new people including some of the office staff, barn manager, house parents and the kids. They are curous and pretty honest when it comes to what they're thinking for the most part. We then went to youth group at a local church. Although the boys have been attending this was the girl's first time so I immediately made friends with one young lady as I urged her to sit with me in the circle. None really wanted to go in. We concluded the night with some American Idol and never before have I seen Scotty obsessions like some of these ladies.
On Thursday I got to sit in on some Therapeutic Crisis Intervention Training, I never knew this type stuff existed...wow is all I have to say. Afterwards I headed off to the barn where I got introduced to the 8 horses and went on a ride with the barn manager. During lunch I learned more about the 5 girls and how to best work with them before driving to the bus stop. Three of the girls are in high school and 2 are in middle school. The girls had their riding lessons that afternoon where they worked on stretching and balance on the horse while holding good posture. I wish I had known some of these things a long time ago! I also got to do my first devotion with the girls. We talked about having 'burrs' under our saddle and the things that irritate us and looked at Psalms 139:23-24 for ways to give those burrs back to God and help us to have self-control. They said they enjoyed it so I've been working on another for when they all get back to OR. We concluded the day with a walk down to the Cape Fear River. It is a beautiful place and I couldn't help but think of ideas for things to do down there.
Friday was a fairly eventful day as we started with some a visit from an older adult disabled group who came to ride horses. They were a lot of fun to be around and they really responded to the horses. They also got to see the 'olympic' goats nelly and cocoa as they ran, hopped and vaulted around the barn. They also got to see a baby bird that was injured by a dog and our barn manager was rescuing. I then became the 'rescuer' as we used the boys vermicomposting (worm compost) as a source of food. It tried flying away yesterday afternoon so we let it go and hoped for the best. All of the girls but one went home for the long weekend so last night we drove into Fayetteville to eat Thai and watch Rango. Couponmom and restaurant.com is where the families can get coupons to go out to eat and it has really saved them lots of money. When you have at least 7 girls, 2 house parents and an intern meals can be expensive.
Today should be a pretty lazy day with the rain and only 1 guy and 1 girl here at the ranch for the weekend. Yesterday one of the horses cut himself at the barn before riding so this weekend I get to play Dr. with him. I am unable to get on facebook or email from the OR computers so if I'm not responding that's why, but thanks for thinking of me!
This coming week please pray for the young ladies I am working with as they come from home back to OR. That I'm able to get to know them and the guys better and that I am able to find devotions and bible studies that God is able to speak to them through. Please also be prayerful for the houseparents who change over on Wednesday but also for their realtionships with the students and the patience they need to handle the issues that may arise.
Love you all!
On Wednesday afternoon I left Camp Caraway to come to Oak Ranch, I finally made it here after having to use both my ipod map map and a gps (which is a whole other story.) So let's just say I was thankful to get here. Upon my arrival I was greeted with big hugs and smiles all around. This place is gorgeous and I must say the pictures online do not do it justice. I got the grand tour and got to meet lots of new people including some of the office staff, barn manager, house parents and the kids. They are curous and pretty honest when it comes to what they're thinking for the most part. We then went to youth group at a local church. Although the boys have been attending this was the girl's first time so I immediately made friends with one young lady as I urged her to sit with me in the circle. None really wanted to go in. We concluded the night with some American Idol and never before have I seen Scotty obsessions like some of these ladies.
On Thursday I got to sit in on some Therapeutic Crisis Intervention Training, I never knew this type stuff existed...wow is all I have to say. Afterwards I headed off to the barn where I got introduced to the 8 horses and went on a ride with the barn manager. During lunch I learned more about the 5 girls and how to best work with them before driving to the bus stop. Three of the girls are in high school and 2 are in middle school. The girls had their riding lessons that afternoon where they worked on stretching and balance on the horse while holding good posture. I wish I had known some of these things a long time ago! I also got to do my first devotion with the girls. We talked about having 'burrs' under our saddle and the things that irritate us and looked at Psalms 139:23-24 for ways to give those burrs back to God and help us to have self-control. They said they enjoyed it so I've been working on another for when they all get back to OR. We concluded the day with a walk down to the Cape Fear River. It is a beautiful place and I couldn't help but think of ideas for things to do down there.
Friday was a fairly eventful day as we started with some a visit from an older adult disabled group who came to ride horses. They were a lot of fun to be around and they really responded to the horses. They also got to see the 'olympic' goats nelly and cocoa as they ran, hopped and vaulted around the barn. They also got to see a baby bird that was injured by a dog and our barn manager was rescuing. I then became the 'rescuer' as we used the boys vermicomposting (worm compost) as a source of food. It tried flying away yesterday afternoon so we let it go and hoped for the best. All of the girls but one went home for the long weekend so last night we drove into Fayetteville to eat Thai and watch Rango. Couponmom and restaurant.com is where the families can get coupons to go out to eat and it has really saved them lots of money. When you have at least 7 girls, 2 house parents and an intern meals can be expensive.
Today should be a pretty lazy day with the rain and only 1 guy and 1 girl here at the ranch for the weekend. Yesterday one of the horses cut himself at the barn before riding so this weekend I get to play Dr. with him. I am unable to get on facebook or email from the OR computers so if I'm not responding that's why, but thanks for thinking of me!
This coming week please pray for the young ladies I am working with as they come from home back to OR. That I'm able to get to know them and the guys better and that I am able to find devotions and bible studies that God is able to speak to them through. Please also be prayerful for the houseparents who change over on Wednesday but also for their realtionships with the students and the patience they need to handle the issues that may arise.
Love you all!
Experience the Moment
This is one I wrote on Wednesday, sorry for the delay :)
This past week I have been with about 29 other college students training to be Summer Missionaries. We have covered topics from picture 101 to conflict management. I was able to get to know these students and see the vast array of God given gifts and talents, steadfast courage and mustard seed faith. My new found friends and brothers and sisters will be serving along with me right here in North Carolina
I was reminded of a time today when I told my Campus Minister to just take a moment from all the craziness of her to do list and stop and just experience the moment. If I recall the situation correctly it was the first night of the new semester and we were having a family dinner. As we rushed to get everything prepared I realized that our room was filling up, people were having a good time and I saw a sea of new faces. For our small group we had planned and worked diligently for days to see this happen. While I too was trying to make sure everything went off without a bump God told me to simply stop and take in what was going on.
Too often in my hectic schedule I lose sight of the results of my work. I work and plan and work and plan all of these things that I feel are important but I find that I don’t take the time to actually see the results of it. You can plan for everything in life. . . except for the results. So, as I prepare myself for my next ‘moment’ my hope is that I’m able to not be overwhelmed with my task that I forget to experience the moment and see the results.
Please pray for my friends and I as we step into new identities, new positions and new places. Pray that we have courage and boldness to be firm in our faith and that we are confident in the abilities God has given us. We need to be reminded that the many forms of evangelism occur through the overflow of our personal relationships with Christ and that we simply need to look for the needs where we are. Help us to see that our service is about meeting needs (ministering) and it is about the process not about the numbers. Finally, pray that we are able to experience each and every moment we have with others, for each one is precious.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
A Case of the Barn Sour's
Over Easter Break I had the opportunity to go horseback riding. Something that has become few and far between since I have been a student at State. This is very evident when my efforts in training prior to State are not evident now. My horse, affectionately named Dixie, always seems to find ways to try my patience and challenge my will to ride. For instance, over Easter break I saddled up to go for a ride. Well as I was in mid air saddling up with a leg in the stirrup and swinging my leg over, Dixie decided she wasn't ready. I immediately got grounded...or so you could say. After a few crow hops and a brief walk to work out the kinks in my back I gave it another go. If there's one thing I learned growing up around horse's it's that no matter how hard it hurts you've got to get back on. Otherwise the horse has figured out how to handle you.
After a bumpy start I had a lovely ride. However, it has become evident that my horse is suffering from a major case of the barn sours. The barn sours is when a horse becomes accustomed to the same trail as they ride their focus is getting back to the barn and not on where they are going. The first part of the ride is spent trying to get them to leave the barn. Then you will spend the next part of the ride fighting them as they wish to go back to the barn, where they know they are safe and can go untethered. On the course back they often will get in a hurry and in the case of Dixie gallop their way back...she especially likes to do this on her own...aka without me on the back. See my frustration.
Tonight I was sitting here thinking about this and I realized that I'm guilty of the very same thing. I know God has places for me to go and things for me to do but at times I feel too safe right here at the 'barn' that I don't want to go anywhere else. As I prepare for my summer adventures (which will be very close to plenty of horses and barns) I am feeling excited and nervous all at the same time. I'm excited for the new things I'll see on the 'trail' but nervous about how the 'ride' will actually be. I hope that I don't let a case of the barn sours keep me from experiencing all that is in store.
So as I continue to prepare myself for not only this new adventure but everything else in my life I am reminded of The Great Commission. For how can we go if we won't even leave the barn.
"Go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you." ~ Matthew 28:19-20
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